Need a ride?

It looks like American Idol Season 9 winner Lee DeWyze was dropped from RCA records recently, after selling by far the least amount of records of any American Idol winner that preceded him. That list includes gray haired Taylor Hicks and Fantasia Barrino- shit, that girl can’t even read!!

Was anyone really all that surprised that this happened? Lee DeWyze reminds me of the kid at a party who plays Bush covers on guitar, hoping that someone will tell him he’s good. When nobody actually does, he gets wasted and stares at girls while he sweats profusely.

Lee DeWyze represents the worst that “butt rock” has to offer. Lee is a poor man’s Daughtry. Daughtry is a poor man’s Hinder. Hinder is basically the same as Nickleback, only way less successful. Nickelback came out after Lifehouse. Lifehouse rode the waves of Creed. Creed sucked ass. Lee DeWyze is like the last link of “The Human Centipede,” the final stop of the mouth to asshole journey that ingests the previous person’s shit along the way. By the way, if you still aren’t aware of “The Human Centipede,” look it up…that shit is gross.

I currently play in a band, and the mere mention of Lee DeWyze’s name cracks the 4 of us up. We even jokingly changed the lyrics to one of our songs from “With no eyes leading you on,” to “Lee DeWyze is driving you home…”  Not sure why this is funny, but the thought of Lee DeWyze driving us around might be a great public relations move for the band.

I see it now…showing up to a local Boston club with a van plastered in ads for Lee DeWyze’s taxi service- and Lee DeWyze is actually driving the van! We pay him in Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. He gladly accepts, in order to gain any sort of musical credibility that is associated with local rock clubs.

Aside from the normal CD’s and t-shirts at our merchandise table, we can start selling pictures of Lee DeWyze being our bitch- setting up the drums, handing us beers, and wiping the sweat from our faces. He should be grateful for the work, unless he goes back to the previous job he had at a paint store…Maybe he should get that job back, because that will be the closest he comes to ever getting anything “mixed” by a professional ever again. ZING!